Thoughts of you and the coming holidays / Grandma Read >>
Thoughts of you and the coming holidays / Grandma
Well honey, here we are with yet another Thanksgiving and Christmas fast approaching. Again here we are with a big bag of mixed emotions to hold. Even though we look forward to the upcoming holidays with your sister, it in NO WAY means we won't think of you and wish you were here with us! We sometimes feel guilty when we enjoy a holiday because it doesn't seem fair to enjoy without you here. We do know that you wouldn't want us to be unhappy because I think if you were here, you would be an unselfish little boy who would surround us with love and laughter. I can almost here your giggles now.
I know you watch down over us and there are times when I look at the sky and wonder which cloud you are hiding behind. I thought of you this past Thursday when I saw the double rainbow. I pictured you sliding down one then climbing up the other only to slide down again.
You, my love are in my thoughts all the time. I only wish you were here so we could play together with Jesslynn. I bet you two would be quite the pair.
As you watch our family this Thanksgiving and Christmas, and EVERY other day as well, remember how special and how loved you always ARE!
I love you my precious grandson and will hold you in my heart forever.
While I am blessed thankful and glad that I have your precious sister to be with this coming Holiday season a part of me is still sad. For the first time since you were born I am finding myself looking forward to Christmas this year. Then in ways I feel guilty for that.
There are people in my life who 'get me' and they know and understand (or try to) what it is like for Daddy and I to go on day in and day out without you then there are the ones that have no idea and don't care. I wish they could just step into Daddy & I's shoes for one day because I guarentee you that they would never want to walk in them again after that one day.
I think that your sisters and I are going to make candy canes and snowflakes for the tree this year. We are going to decorate the entire house with snow flakes to resemble you and the kisses that you often send to us this time of the year. This way every time we see them we will think of you.
I love you sweet heart and hope you know what you still mean to us and what you will always mean to us. I was blessed to have your father who is a wonderful husband I was blessed with an amazing mother and father I was truly blessed when you came into my life and I am blessed to have Jesslynn but I still and will forever miss you.
Well baby boy Grandma and I went to our support group last night which is always nice to be there with others who know how we are feeling but you know for some reason after going to the meetings I feel even more blessed to have had you. Some people think that I should be over it or that I shouldn't still "dwell" on it but do they stop dwelling over their living children? You are still my son and if you were here on earth with me I would dwell on you so I will continue to do so. When I think of you I smile. I smile at the thought of your precious face and I smile when I remember the feel of your soft skin on my lips I smile at the thought of what you would be doing now and how silly I think you would probably be. I smile when I think of you and what you would be like with your baby sister. So when people assume that because I still talk about you and that I still think about you every day that it saddens me and that it is unhealthy then they don’t know me at all. I am so blessed to have had a son as beautiful as you and a daughter as great as Bug. I remember everything from the day we found out we were having you and I am thankful that I remember that. I remember watching you flip around the day we had an ultrasound and how daddy cried when they said you were a boy. You are precious to all of us and so many others Little Jesse. I love you and will continue to think talk and smile about you every single day. I will also continue to honor your memory any way I can. I LOVE YOU xoxoxoMommaxoxoxox
I have been thinking about you a lot here of late. I always think of you but more than usual lately. Journey will be two in a month and I have been thinking about her lately too.
We went to the beach and I put a marble dauphine at your stone hope you like her. Bug loved the water but slept on the towel the majority of the day spent on the beach.
Some people may think that I "re-live the pain" of the day we lost you every day but then they don't know us; do they? I don't re-live the pain. I celebrate the nine months that I carried you and the few precious hours I held and kissed you. I thank God that he blessed me with the most beautiful son that I ever could have wished for and i look forward to the day when I will hold and kiss you again. I think that God just knew how much I love babies so he wanted me to have a baby for eternity.
Well the day is here....your 2nd birthday. I can not sleep, thoughts of you are all about me. I think that you are a very special two year old and I feel blessed that I was blessed to feel you move inside of me and to watch you move all about that one day when we saw you on the screen. I just wish that I could see you moving all about here on earth and on your second birthday.
I bet you would be all about, chasing after your cousins and kissing your baby sister. I think of things like this all the time.
This is your second birthday and I want you to watch this evening for the balloons that your family and I are going to be sending up to you. Your sisters have talked about you and your birthday and they are going to send more balloons up to you next week. We will be sure to send sweet Journey some up too, so make sure you and her are both ready and waiting.
I love doing balloon releases for you because as I watch the balloon fly away I think of how beautiful the sky is and how far the balloon goes and it comforts me to know that the balloon is closer to you than I am standing on the ground watching it fly with God's speed.
Happy Birthday to you-Happy Birthday to you-Happy Birthday Dear Jesse-Happy Birthday to you!!!!!!!
I'm writing to say Happy early Birthday precious baby! I can't even find the words to begin to tell you how much I miss you,and how much I would love to hold you! I can't believe it has been two years since we held you in our arms only to say goodbye. I want you to know that every day I think of you. Please forgive for crying. It still hurts to see other happy two year olds because all we can do is wonder what you would be into.
Tomorrow we will remember you on your birthday by sending up balloons. I wish we were watching you eat birthday cake instead.
If I cry,please forgive me. I heard someone say that a loved one above tried to light a candle but tears being shed kept putting it out. Again sorry if our tears put your little candla out,but you are so badly missed by all of us.
Be with Momma and Daddy all day tomorrow. They miss you so much.
I will have a hard time tomorrow seeing the two little girls who were born the week after you. They will celebrate their Birthday probably Saturday. I probably won't be able to say Happy Birthday to them because I know I'll cry. If you let me feel you near, maybe I could do it.
Watch for yhe balloons tomorrow Sweetheart and remember how much Pappy and I love you.
One day we will see you again and it will be better than any Birthday party could be! Until then watch over your little sister and be with Mommy and Daddy.
2 Years old... / Momma Xoxoxo
Tomorrow you will be 2. I can not believe that it has been two years since I got to hold you and kiss your sweet, soft cheeks. I miss you so much and the pain today is as great as the pain was on your first birthday. They say time heals all, but boy who ever said that sure did lie. I still think of you and visit your grave everyday. Nanna & Pappy put flowers on it this past weekend. I still find myself smiling when I see a sunflower and crying when I see a little boy your age. I watch Elena and Chloe and think of what you would be doing and try to imagine it. Tomorrow we would be celebrating by having cake and ice cream and singing Happy Birthday to you, but instead, we will go to the grave yard and fight tears and we will send many balloons up to you. I hope the weather is nice out for it, and that you are watching us from a clear sky. You baby sister and Rafe will be there sending thier balloons up to you too baby, so blow them kisses with Journey. Happy Birthday my sweet and precious son. I love you and miss you so very much as does every one else. xoxoxoxLuv Youxoxoxo Momma Close
Well Little Jesse, Mothers day is coming quickly and while I thought it would be a great day since your sister is here, I am finding myself torn. I am feeling blessed to be sharing this day with her, yet I find myself dreading the day that will be spent without you. Please let me know you are with me on this day. I miss you and I guess no day will be complete again.
I love you so much and pray that you will watch over all of us. Send extra love to Jessica. She loves you and I am sure she could use some extra angel kisses right now. Thank you for watching over Dylan Monday also. He was talking away yesterday so I know he is feeling ok after his surgery, but I am sure you already know that since you watch over us all the time.
I love you and hope that you know how proud I am to be your Mommy. I wish you were with me here on Earth, but I know that you are in a much better place.
Well Easter was nice, but sad too. I watched the girls hunt thier eggs, and automatically the thought came to mind, "I wonder what Jesse would be doing if he were here to hunt eggs?". I think that you would have been trying to get as many as you could quickly.
I miss you so so much JT. Bug is getting so big and I bet you would be such an awesome big brother if you were here. Dylan talked to me about you on Easter Sunday. He loves you so much and I am so proud of him. Please keep over him and Chloe, they are so special.
I can not believe that in less than two months you are going to be two years old. WOW! I think it is harder this year than it was on your first birthday. I don't know why but it is.
I think of you every second and here of late I have been so sad and I have been longing for you.
Well baby, I love you and hope you are having fun in Heaven and I am sure you had a better Easter than we could dream of down here.
Lord do I ever miss you. I have been trying and trying to light candles for you, but of course as normal any more the site won't allow me to even see your main page of the memorial page much less light a candle. It was always so nice to get on here and see your beautiful face and to read what others have wrote to you and now ... again... I can not do that. I miss it, seeing that others remember you helps so much and lighting the candles is how I can see what your daddy is thinking too.
I have been home sick since Wed, and you know mommy doesn't call off work, so I am really sick. The doctor said I have strep throat and I am trying to make sure baby sister doesn't get it, so please help keep her healthy and un-affected. Being home and having all this time gives me so much time to think...and think...and think, and when I think this much I begin to think about you. I should have just went to the ER after the doctor's appointment that day. Why did I ever listen to them?
Now a dear friend is going to them and she too is having bp issues. I just hope baby boy he doesn't do to her what he did to you and me. I love you so much and just want you here with me. I see these peopl taking thier babies forgranted adn baby boy I treasure every second with Jesslynn, and I would have with you too.
I miss you so so much. I went to our support group last night with Grandma and it is good to go. It still helps me even though we are going on to the second year without you...WOW two years. It is hard to believe that you have been gone that long. I think of you every minute still of every day adn everyone said that with time, I would feel better. I may not cry every day, but I will tell you one thing, I don't feel better about loosing you and I don't think that we ever will. Daddy and I talk about you every night before we go to bed and I think it does us a lot of good to do that. Many times he will bring up you in the coversations, and I love that. Your Daddy is so good, and he is such an awesome Daddy. I wish you were here, because I can just picture you two together now...I am sure he would be getting you into all sorts of trouble. =)
I think about how you and Elena / Chloe would play together and all the fun you would have with them. It is so hard to see them together in the same room, because I just feel cheated, because I know that one is missing. Aunt Donna, Jessica, and I were all pregnant at the same time, only their babies are here and you are not. I love them with all my heart, but it saddens me that you can't be here with them.
Well I hope you and Journey are taking good care of each other up there and playing all the time. Journey is going to be a big sister in June, her brother will be here before you were, so you and Journey watch over him and Aunt Kelly until then. I pray every day he will be here safe and sound and then he will have two beautiful guardian angels to watch over him for the rest of his life.
Hi my sweet son. Boy are you ever missed. Yesterday, 02-15-09 was two years exactly since we had our ultrasound and found out that you were our little "boy". It is also exactly 2 years since we saw you moving and breathing. That was such an amazing day. Daddy cried like a baby when he saw you were a little boy and I cried because of the pride and joy I saw in his eyes. Daddy was finally getting a boy. We would have loved you either way, but boy was it ever exciting knowing we would be having a son. We celebrated our Valentines that day in 2007, but we still celebrate between the two of us on that day, and I believe we always will.
Jesslynn is wonderful, and all I ever dreamt she would be, but she doesn't replace you. I watch her sleep and boy does she look like you! I wonder if you would have made the same noises and sounds as she does and what you would be doing right now. We all miss you so much sweet heart and you are just so precious to us. You and your sister are our world, and it would not be complete if we hadn't had you. I look forward to the day when we will get to see you again and I am certiain that it will be a day taht I will always treasure just like the day we first saw you.
I love you baby boy and hope you are looking down on Jesslynn and the rest of your precious family
Well it is Christmas and it doesn't seem like it at all. I know I should be happy because we have your precious little sister to celebrate it with and I am thankful for her and to have her here to be with this Christmas, but the pain of not being with you this Christmas is tearing me up too. I thought that I would be hanging ornaments up high on the tree this year so that you couldn't reach them and I thought that you would be tearing your presents open and running around with Elena and Chole this year, but your not. I pray that you are watching over us and closer than we know.
Your stocking is hung over the fire place with all the rest of ours and your Christmas letter is in it with a picture of your sisters, Daddy and I in it too. Your grave site is decorated with reds, silvers and blues for Christmas and gifts from people that love you are there too. Your sisters, Dad, Grandma and Pappy and I will be visiting tomorrow to release some balloons for you and you know your momma ... rain or shine you will be getting balloons. We will be sending some up for all your friends too, so be looking for them and catch them and give them to all the angels up there.
Merry Christmas my sweet Son. Know that this Christmas I hold you close to my heart and always in my thoughts. Your ornaments are hanging with more love than any of the others and we think of you all the time. You are our Christmas Angel in Heaven and we are blessed to have you waiting on us.
We love you baby Boy and be with Jesslynn for her first Christmas and give Journey a BIG KISS and HUG for me and tell her I love her too.
Hello Sweet Jesse. I starting decorating for Christmas but am at a stand still. I honestly don't feel like doing it right now. I have the tree decorated but have nothing else done. I just keep thinking that you should be here getting into Grandma's boxes of decoratons. Oh how much fun you would be. I will be starting your Christmas letter soon. I'll put it in your stocking just as I did last year.
Were you watching down on the service last night? The church was decorated so pretty and there were a lot of your angel friends families there. Pappy,Mommy,Daddy,and I went. Journey's Mommy,Daddy,and grandparents were there too. We all sang songs,read and some people spoke. All of this was done just for you and all of your friends,you are so special to us.
Always know how much I love you baby boy. I wanted to be the best Grandma in the world to you,even though you aren't here, I think of you ALL the time. I wish I could take care of you!
Well my love bug,I will say good night for now and tell you once again how much I love you. Give Journey a hug and kiss for me.
I miss you as usual, but ecspecially tonight for some reason. I just could use you right now and hold you tight in my arms...I know this will never happen but boy oh boy it sure would be nice right now.
I am having troubles lighting candles on your angel friends pages, so be with them all and give them all hugs and kisses for me and tell them hello from me. Tell Journey I luv her too.
Baby please just stay close to me and Daddy, I think we could use you right now more than we even know.
Always watch over us and hope when you do you will always see how much I love you baby.
Hey there baby boy. Boy do I ever miss you! Your sister is growing and looks alot like your pictures. I love the two of you more than anyone knows. Christmas is coming and while I am excited to spend it with Jesslynn, I am still dreading the fact that you wont be here with us. I try so hard to keep your memory alive baby boy and I do what ever I can to be the best "mommy" possible to you even though you are not here for me to physically care for and everytime I try to do this, I manage to mess it up one way or another. Please just know that I love you so much. Keep being with Daddy, because he loves you so much and misses you to pieces too. He talks about you often and we think about how much fun you would be this holiday season. I am sure that we will make it through this year with a little more ease than last, but it still hurts like crazy to miss you so much. Please stay close to us and know that no matter what happens we love you so so much and miss you too.
Jesse, I miss you so much sweet heart and I still long to feel you again. I feel completely blessed to have your beautiful baby sister here in my arms, alive and healthy, but at the same time it makes my heart ache for you even more. When I feed her I think of how I should have been able to feed you the same way, and when I bath her its the same then too. It is so bitter sweet. People think that because she is here our hearts should be healed but we will always miss you and you will always be our only son and our first child together and for that you will always be so special to us. Daddy talks about you often and so do I. We will always include you in our holidays and our every day life. When people ask us how many kids we have,we always always include you. Holidays are coming and while we happily celebrate Jesslynn's first' we will sadly think of you and wish you were here to celebrate with us as well. I sometimes feel guilty for feeling happy because how is it fair for me to enjoy my beautiful daughter when I could not enjoy my beautiful son? I know you are smiling down on us and that you know we love you so mcuh, but it is still a hard time. I count my blessings multiple times a day and in those blessings baby boy I always include you. I am in no hurry to pass, but I so look forward to the day when you and I will be together again.
Hi there my sweet angel. I miss you so much. I just wanted to tell you that your little sister, Jesslynn Lee was born at 7:37 a.m. on October 14th. She weighed 7lbs 1.5 ounces and was 20.5 inches long. Your wonderful cousins Dylan and Jessica gave us a birth certificate balloon filled out to send up to you so you would know what and when everything happened, so I am sure you got that the other day. She is beautiful and at times when I look at her I can see a little bit of you in her face. She is healing me a little more each day but the hole in my heart will never completely heal, and no one takes your place.
I thank you so much for protecting your baby sister while I was pregnant and during the c-section. She is one very lucky little girl. I pray that you will continue to protect her for a very long life time.
On the 15th since Momma and Jesslynn were in the hospital, Jessica brought us a bunch of balloons and Kelly gave us pretty ribbons to wear. A nice nurse named Alice took Momma out to the court yard where her, Daddy, Alice and Jessica all released balloons for you, Journey and all the other precious babies. I bet you liked them. The best part of this day was when Tonya, Betsy, and Tara (the nurses that delivered you and took such good care of me) came to meet Jesslynn and they brought lots of balloons for you and your angel friends too! So momma got to partake in not only one, but two balloon releases. Also since I could not light a candle for you, Grandma and Tonya both brought me flameless candles so we still got to light a candle for you.
Baby boy I love you and miss you everyday and that will never change, and even though you are not here with us, you are so special to me and in my heart all the time.
Rememberance/ Erin Greenawalt (friend of your momma )Read >>
Rememberance/ Erin Greenawalt (friend of your momma )
Congratulations on your new baby sister!! You are such a good big brother! I'm sorry i didn't make it up to see you today but Landon and I made sure to send you Ballons from our house today i hope you got them. You will be forever missed little one and Thank you so much for helping your momma and daddy. Give kisses to my little angels today and let them know i love and miss them everyday. I love you little Jesse have fun playing
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